I Like Big Books & I Cannot Lie!

One of the greatest parts of summer for me is reading books and visiting the library! I know... NERD ALERT! LOL! But seriously! Here are my favorite reads from this summer:

Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis: You've heard me talk about this book in previous posts. It is a life-changer. Since reading this book, I feel like I can really focus on my purpose and making the most out of each day. I've written goals, and I am working hard to conquer them each day. I also started following Rachel on Instagram and listening to her podcast. She shares relevant advice, and I love her conversational tone. I feel like we could be BFFs in real life! (Did I just say that outloud? LOL) I am so, so excited for her new book, Girl, Stop Apologizing. It comes out in March 2019. It's going to to be another fantastic, motivational read!

The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah: This is a book that I read recently for my book club. Wow. This is book is in my top ten. Kristin Hannah writes beautifully. She describes Alaska so well that I actually feel like I've been there! Really, it makes me want to travel to Alaska. The first section of the book is the background of the story. Once you get to the next section, the story really picks up and that's when you can't put this book down. It's a beautiful Romeo and Juliet love story with so many real issues that the two face. Everything I've read by Kristin Hannah is amazing, and I would LOVE to read a sequel to this book!

All We Ever Wanted by Emily Giffin: Emily Giffin is one of my favorite authors. I love her style and how her recent novels are based around current issues. This book is based on a social media/texting mishap and paints a very realistic picture of issues that parents and teenagers are dealing with today. While the story is told mostly from the points of view of the two teenagers, she also shares the perspective of the parents who are involved. This is probably my favorite style of writing. I love it when a story unfolds this way. Putting all of the pieces together and making predictions is my favorite! #nerdalert

Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi: So I read this book to be a part of Jimmy Fallon's book club. I'm just that nerdy! Jimmy Fallon asked America to vote on a book to read together this summer, and Children of Blood and Bone was the winner. The reviews have compared this book to the Harry Potter series, saying that Tomi Adeyemi is the next J.K. Rowling. When I heard that, I knew I had to read it. This is one of those books that you get lost in. I would look up and realize that I just read 100 pages in one sitting! While the story has fantastical elements, the characters are very realistic and deal with very real emotions. The next book comes out in March, and I can't wait to get my hands on it!

The North Star by Peter Reynolds: I love to read picture books and look for books to use in reading, writing, social studies, and morning meetings at school. This book talks about going on a journey, and the main character realizes that the journey looks different for everyone. It is a very sweet book that I can imagine teachers reading to students as they send them off at the end of the year. It would also make a great gift for a graduate. It intertwines goal setting and the unknown. We're all following our path to our north star. 

Malala's Magic Pencil by Malala Yousafzai: A couple of years ago, I read I am Malala by Malala Yousafzai. Amazing. As a young lady, Malala has inspired so many to stand up for themselves. In this story, the reader sees just how Malala shares her story. This book is great for so many reasons. This book would be great to launch a persuasive writing unit. This book also shares knowledge about Malala's culture. She's from Pakistan. The school where I work has a very diverse population of students. Often, students do not see characters who are like themselves in the books that are read aloud or in the books that are in the school and classroom library. That must change! What a better way to start that change than by sharing this book of how one girl made a huge impact! 

My Best Friend by Mary Ann Rodman: You may remember me sharing that I took part in a writing club via Facebook this summer. Again, NERD ALERT! Jennifer Serravallo, a literacy guru, led this book club and shared many mentor texts throughout the course of the club. This book is one of the books she shared that really stuck for me. It is a story that is very relatable. A little girl wants another girl to be her best friend, but that girl wants nothing to do with her! This book is a well-written narrative that inspires writers with explicit writing moves. 

Currently, I'm reading The Flight Attendant for my book club meeting next week. This book is making me CRAZY! Don't get me wrong; I love it. It's just that the main character, Cassie, drives me bonkers! The story reminds me a lot of The Girl on the Train. Cassie has a drinking problem and can't remember all that happened on a night when something horrible happened. And the worst part is that she lies and lies and lies about it. It drives me nuts!

I'm also listening to the Serial podcast. After checking out Rachel's Rise podcast, I started checking out other podcasts. I know, I know... I'm super late to the podcast party! I heard Rachel (Don't you love how I'm talking about her like I know her personally! LOL!) talk about listening to podcasts, and I thought that this would be a great thing to do while I run. Don't get me wrong; I love listening to music, but I wanted to try out this podcast thing. Some podcasts are motivational, and others are more like listening to an audio book. Serial is like that. It's the story of a young man who was convicted of murder, yet the reporter who tells the story believes that there is more than was shared at his trials. It is so, so good! 

Since I start back to work on Monday, my next read will likely be a professional book or a data report, so I'm not sure when I'll get to the stack of books on my nightstand or start a new podcast... yeah, whatever! 

Can't or Won't?

Last week was tough. Really tough. Izzy and I didn't have much on the calendar last week... just tutoring and speech therapy. While it was nice to have a low key week, it meant lots of one-on-one time for me and Izz. That's a blessing and a curse. We LOVE our long summer days together; however, we often get to that point, usually this time in mid-July, where we're driving each other crazy! And it didn't help that Greg had to work late every single day last week!

Hanging out after Izz
survived the hibachi dinner!

To celebrate making it through this tough week, Greg thought we should try out the new hibachi restaurant down the road. Years ago, we took Izz to a place like this and she freaked out... lots of sounds and, of course, flaming cooktops! We were seated next to another family of three, and thankfully, the little boy was Izzy's age. She always rises to the occasion when she's around her peers! As we looked at the menu, Izzy's head whipped around and she opened her eyes wide to take in her surroundings. Greg and I looked at each other and didn't have to say a word. Oh crap is what we were both thinking. Izz was having a tough time processing all that was happening in the room. As the hibachi chef made his way to our table, Izz scooted her chair backward. She was preparing for the craziness right in front of her face. She really did a great job of keeping it under control. She stayed calm and even clapped for the guy when he made an onion volcano! As soon as she saw that I had finished my food, she asked to go outside. I took her outside to escape the sensory overload and left Greg to pay the check. As soon as we got outside, I could see the relief on her face. What happened in there was absolutely out of her control.

Then, on Sunday morning, Izzy wanted donuts. As I pulled into Shipley's she began to fuss and whine. She refused to get out of the car. I was not sure what was going on, so I reminded her that she could go home and have cereal instead of donuts if she didn't want to get out... so, reluctantly, she got out of the car and proceeded to stomp her way to the door of Shipley's. I stopped her and had her get back in the car. Seriously?! I thought. What is she doing? I said, "I am not taking you into the donut shop with you acting like that! Little girls that have bad attitudes don't get donuts for breakfast; you can have cereal when we get home." The crying that followed was awful. I let her cry, and I thought about possible triggers; did something set her off or was she just being a bratty kid? There were no triggers! This was a case of something Izzy wouldn't do; she refused to change her bad attitude. Oh, she could have; it's just that she refused!

Excellent book!

One of the hardest parts of parenting a child with autism is understanding "can't" versus "won't". There are many things that Izzy cannot do (she is not able to do those things). She cannot process all of the sounds and visuals when she's in sensory overload. There are other things, like a typical kid, that she will not do (she chooses not to do these things). For example, her little fit at Shipley's. I've been perusing through the book Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew by Ellen Notbohm, and there's an entire chapter dedicated to understanding just this. As soon as I got home from the donut shop, I picked up the book and skimmed over the chapter again. It is so, so hard to stay calm and patient when Izzy is having a meltdown, but it really helps when I can understand a little better what she's going through. When I can determine if it's a "can't" or a "won't", then I can approach it in the way that's best for Izz. Another powerful nugget of wisdom from this chapter:

All behavior is communication. 

All behavior happens for a reason. 

There is always a motive. I'm always going ten steps backward to look for a trigger. Oh, we knew what was going on at the Hibachi place... and that didn't result in a meltdown! As for the Shipley's incident... I went back, and back, and back... nothing was out of the ordinary, and she was just being a hormonal pre-teen! It's so tough to be a parent and tell your child to get back in the car... especially when you want donuts, too. I'm learning that there's nothing about parenting that's easy... and it's usually much tougher than not getting donuts on a Sunday morning!

Bearded Lady & Pink-haired Lady Girl

Understanding the difference between "can't" and "won't" not only helps me to better help and understand Izzy, but also the language that I use when discussing her abilities can help others perceive her accurately. Words are powerful. As Izzy's biggest cheerleader, it's important to me that others understand her and support her in this adventure. While there are times when Izzy can't do something -- she is unable to do it in that setting for a particular reason -- I am in no way limiting her capabilities. Izzy CAN do so much. She is a beautiful picture of perseverance. It may just take her longer to get to the end goal, or she may have to attack it differently... but she will get there.

The book shares six times to distinguish can't versus won't:

• Resistant/avoidant behavior - Often, children with autism are struggling with really understanding what you are asking. Communication is tough. Sometimes resistance is a way to say, "Help me. I don't understand."
• Attention-seeking behavior - Social interactions are hard for children with autism. Some children, like Izzy, love to be with others. However, there are many times when she doesn't understand social norms. Ask, "How is she trying to communicate with this attention-seeking behavior?"
• Self-regulation - Children with autism are always trying to calm themselves. You may see a child with autism flapping his or her hands or you may hear or see stimming (rocking and/or making loud noises). This is a "can't". This is something that a child with autism needs to do; it is out of their control. Once in a while, Izzy will flap her hands... we just sing, "I can make your hands flap!" (to the tune of "HandClap" by Fitz and the Tantrums) LOL! 
• Entertainment/fun - It's always interesting to me how Izzy will behave in public and around peers versus at home. What a difference! Like I said before, Izzy rises to the occasion. There are still some things that make Izzy nervous, but, man, she will try it if she sees others do it! It really helps me to determine between "can't" and "won't".  
• Control - Children with autism have little control over their little bodies. When an opportunity for control arises, they often jump on it! For example, Izzy wants to control the radio in the car. As sick as I am of listening to "Come Alive" from The Greatest Showman soundtrack on repeat, I let her choose the music in the car. Is it a big deal or little deal? Really, in the big scheme of things, it's a little deal. It makes her happy and gives her a sense of control in her crazy, mixed-up, out of control world. Am I letting her run the show? Absolutely not. However, when I get in the car without Izzy, you better believe, I turn the station and enjoy every single second of George Strait! #itsthelittlethings
• Retribution - Some think that a child may act a certain way to get back at them... I have a hard time with this one. I truly believe that children (with or without autism) are learning to behave and function in this world. Often, children will repeat the behaviors they see in adults and behaviors that are positively reinforced. However, when feeling this way, it's important to ask, "Is this a feeling that I am having as a parent?" and "Is there a trigger to this behavior?"

I am, by no means, a parenting expert. Every day, I learn something new... through Izzy and sometimes through research. One thing I know to be true: what works for one child doesn't always work with another. I truly believe that we are better together, and by sharing ideas, we can be the best parents. Parenting is exhausting but oh so worth it. Life is so much better when we strive to better understand each other. We are all facing hard battles. Choose kind. Sometimes that kindness is patience. It's taking the time to understand the reason why. And sometimes kindness is listening to that same song over, and over, and over... yeah, whatever!

Time Flies When You're Having Fun!

Yes, Lucy was in my senior pictures with me!
Also, super cool overalls, right? 

Eighteen years ago, I graduated from high school. EIGHTEEN! When I think about that fact, it's mind-blowing to me... maybe because I still act feel like I'm eighteen most of the time! It feels like I'm staying the same age, but months and years are flying by! Often, I'll play this little game with myself. I t goes like this:

Five years ago... 

• I was 31. 
• We didn't have June, and Driller was just a puppy.
• Izzy was five. 
• We were living in our old house.
• We didn't know that Greg would soon be working in Louisiana full time, living in an RV.
• I had just finished my fourth year of teaching.
• I had never run in a half marathon.
• My niece Abby was almost two, and Henry was just a baby.

I just name all of the things that were current in our lives at the time. It is craaaaaaazy for me to reflect like this. Then, I fast forward to today and think about all that has happened in the last five years. WOW!

Since that time...

• I have completed five half marathons.
• We moved into a new house. 
• I recently finished my ninth year of teaching.
• I started a new job as an Instructional Coach last year.
• I completed my master's degree in Educational Leadership. 
• Greg has had about five different cars!
• We adopted June.
• I can't even express how much Izzy has grown!

Next, I think about five years in the future. This one really makes me crazy!

In five years...

• I will be 41.
• Greg will be 42.
• Izzy will be 15 and going into 10th grade. OMG! I can't handle that statement!
• Driller will be ten.
• June will be nine.
• Abby will be 11, and Henry will be ten!

Of course, the numbers are easy to calculate, but there will always be blank bullet points... the things that will happen over the course of the next five years that are uncertain to me at this time. The time will pass; whether I do something productive with the time is up to me. Goal setting has always been important to me, and I've always felt like that goal had to be an event. For example, last year, I set a goal to run a half marathon. I felt so defeated in January when I was unable to run it. I had trained and worked so hard to run that race, and in the blink of an eye, everything changed. An unexpected and very random health issue left me on the sidelines that day. I felt like I didn't achieve my goal; however, I was in great physical shape and that helped me get through that time. 

Goals don't always have to be an end result to a journey. The journey itself can be a goal. This blog, for instance, is a goal for me. One of my goals is to write weekly, so here I am! Another goal is to read more and be on my phone less. I started doing this about a year ago when I noticed that I was wasting so much time on social media. I often complained that I didn't have enough time to read. I realized that if it was important to me, then I would find the time to make it happen. I had the time; I was just using it for something else. What I am really trying to say here is that my ideas about goals have shifted. I think it's great to have a big goal. It's also important to have goals that impact your every day. Instead of writing a goal to run a half marathon, my new goal is to be in great physical shape. It's crucial to wake up and think, what can I do today to help achieve my goals? Some people write their goals every day or post them somewhere that's very visible; others use vision boards. I've never really gone this far with my goals, but I love these ideas!

Izzy racing in her 5th Read, Deed & Run Marathon Final Run

Izzy Hodges is the queen of goals! Her goals are different than the goals I had always imagined for my child. She has goals for speech therapy, goals for her IEP, and some pretty cool goals for Read, Deed, and Run! Most of Izzy's goals are based on her needs; this isn't unlike the goals I set for myself. What I love about Izzy's goals is that they are in writing, and we get to see her marked progress on a regular basis. Izzy doesn't always achieve a goal. Sometimes her goals are ongoing, and they are always evolving. Her journey is definitely a marathon, not a sprint, and we are learning to love the journey. While we don't know what the future holds for Izz, we know that she is going to work hard and achieve greatness!

For Greg's goals... well, I usually set them for him! Ha ha! For instance, I just told him that we're doing a Whole 30 in August. Not a Whole 16 or 17, like we've done in the past... a full Whole 30. I'm the one who buys the food, so he has to comply! LOL! About three years ago, I got him to start coming to Body Pump with me at the YMCA. He's one of the only guys there, but through that work he's really noticed some changes in his body and strength. And I'm constantly asking Greg what's on his bucket list. It drives him nuts! Deep down, though, I know that he thinks about it! Greg has an incredible drive and wants to get out there and do incredible things. Really, he already has. He inspires me each and every day to be the best version of myself and works so hard to give Izzy unforgettable opportunities.

Another person who is inspiring me right now is Rachel Hollis. I am OBSESSED with her at the moment. Thank you, Ashlee, for recommending her book to me! I am now following her religiously on Instagram and listening to her podcast. She is so down-to-earth, and the advice she gives is just down right practical. It's nothing mind-shattering or that I haven't heard before, yet it's refreshing and empowering. She reminds me to hold true to myself and my goals. Here are a few quotes from the podcast I listened to yesterday:

Be mindful of the season you are in. 

Done is better than perfect. 

That second one is super tough for me. I will obsess over the perfect font or spacing or picture for a project. Why do I always strive for perfection? Of course, I always want to give my best, yet perfection isn't necessary or even achievable! I'm learning that it's ok to take a step back. It's ok to complete a project and be done with it, even though it's not perfect. I'm learning to choose the things I will obsess over... and, with that, I'm choosing how I spend my time. A few years ago, I was turning into a workaholic. I just wanted to get it all done, and, for those of you with teachers in your lives, you know that's impossible! So I implemented a rule for myself; I will only work for one hour beyond my contract time each day. That meant if I got to work 30 minutes early, then I would only stay 30 minutes after 3:55 pm (my contract end time). Or if I left right at 3:55 pm, I would only work for 30 more minutes at home. It was very hard for me to stick to this; however, it helped me to monitor how much time I was spending working. This also helped me to realize that I can't obsess over little things that don't really matter when I'm giving myself a time limit!

It is my hope that I will look back on this post in five years and reflect. What did I accomplish in those five years? Am I a better person? How has Izzy continued to progress? Just like I look at her videos from five years ago, I know I will look back at videos from this time in our lives and see big changes. I think I'll take some advice from those who work with Izzy and write down my goals and monitor my progress throughout the journey instead of focusing on the end goal.

Now who wants to place a bet on how many different vehicles Greg will own over the next five years? Think he'll keep the Jeep for the next five years? Yeah, whatever!

Stickin' {Out Like A Sore Thumb} To Kindness

House of Blues - Houston

A few weeks ago we were getting ready to watch a friend perform at the House of Blues. Greg turned to me and asked, "What do I wear to a Def Leppard/KISS cover band concert? I've got one look - Suburban Dad!" After I stopped laughing, I replied, "We are going to stick out like a sore thumb no matter what we wear, so don't worry about it!"

Feeling out of place is always awkward, but that night, it was really no big deal. We had a blast at the concert, and our friend totally rocked it! Other times, though, that awkward feeling leads to other feelings, like stress and anxiety.

Last weekend, we flew to El Paso and drove north for a short visit to Ruidoso, NM. Izzy loves to fly, but her senses are often in overload at the airport. Her voice gets louder and louder, and her patience is tested. We stick out like a sore thumb. While everyone else is reading and napping, enjoying the calm flight, Izzy is doing just the opposite. Keeping her entertained and distracted is quite a job! We bring lots of coloring books, books, toys, and, of course, our iPads. On this particular flight, we distracted her with taking selfies... lots of selfies!

Airplane Selfie!

While Izzy looks like a typical ten-year-old, she doesn't act like one. Oh, the looks we get sometimes! No, she's not a brat. (Although, sometimes she can really be one!) She's trying to function in a world that doesn't make sense to her, and her response to that is often disruptive behaviors - shouting, crying, whining, moving her arms around... and it's not just the airport; this is an every day battle. We never know when Izz will "freak out" and stick out like a sore thumb. She has come so far, and we refuse to set limitations for her. We will not keep her holed up in the house to avoid "sore thumbness". A trip outside of our home will always be tough for me and Greg, and most of all, tough for Izz. To be honest, I think it makes others more uncomfortable than us. More often than not, though, Izzy makes a new friend or at the very least, makes someone smile on our little adventures.

Another Airplane Selfie! 

I can't count on my fingers and toes the number of times we've had to leave a destination to go back to our hotel room or take a break and head outside. This is our reality. Izzy is learning to cope with her sensory challenges, and she's getting better and better at verbalizing her concerns.

Just before our trip to Ruidoso, Greg got some amazing seats for the Astros game, and we knew that it would be quite an adventure! Izzy shouted for Altuve at every at bat... even when the Blue Jays were batting! We knew to expect a symphony of sounds, so we brought her trusty pink headphones. They did the trick, and Izzy had a blast! Did she stick out by wearing those headphones? Yes. But those headphones were our saving grace! Over the years we've learned a few tricks, and those headphones are one of them. Maybe she sticks out in them, but they help her to deal with the many different sounds.

There will always be times like this when we will feel out of place; this world could be better if we all tried to be more understanding and showed a little more compassion when others feel like this. Remember, the mom and dad who are trying to calm their little girl on the airplane are doing their best. You are getting a tiny snapshot of their every day. Smile. Say something nice.  Be the person who chooses kindness over judgment. Your kindness means so much.

Kindness Cowboy

Beautiful Morning in Ruidoso, NM

Saturday we ate at a place in Ruidoso called Cattle Barons. After waiting for about 45 minutes, we were finally seated, Izzy sandwiched between Greg and Bee Bee (Greg's mom). About 20 minutes into our meal, we noticed a cowboy and his pretty girlfriend; you couldn't help but notice them. He was very loud and kind of obnoxious. After making a few comments about him, we continued on with our dinner. Izzy was getting restless, so I took her out to the car to wait. Bee Bee joined us a few minutes later. About 15 minutes later, Greg and Paw Paw (Greg's dad) came out to the car. Greg said, "You are never going to believe this. That cowboy paid for our entire dinner. He said that we looked like a nice family. He noticed Izzy and wanted to do that for us. He shared that his sister has a similar struggle, and he just notices families like us." Wow. The guy we were talking about paid for our meal. What a humbling moment! For the rest of the night we sat in awe of the kindness of this man, which also came alongside reflection on ourselves. Why did we feel the need to talk about this guy and point out his loud behaviors? We had no idea who this guy was and were so quick to talk about him. 

I had already started drafting this blog post when this happened. How ironic! This was a perfect reminder to me that we are ALL fighting tough battles. While it was just a few trite comments, still I am clearly struggling with talking about others. Also, the battles of others aren't always evident; he had a similar situation in his life The man could see that Izzy needed lots of reminders and help throughout our dinner and his gesture was just so kind. However, he may never know just how greatly he impacted me, Greg, Bee Bee, and Paw Paw. Before I can ask others to please be compassionate toward us, I must first show that same compassion to others. I vow to make a conscious effort to do just that. When tempted to talk about another, I'm going to make sure it's something positive. I'm going to stick to kindness. Thank you, cowboy, for teaching us that lesson!

Now I've got to go filter through the hundreds of pics Izzy took on her iPod. I'm sure they're all post-worthy... yeah, whatever!

So many pics of the airplane's wings on Izzy's iPod - LOL!