Scaredy Man

It all started when we had only been dating for a few weeks. I rented a scary movie to watch with Greg at his apartment. We were halfway into the movie when I thought I'd be funny and try to scare him just a bit. I lunged toward his neck and made my best vampire sound, (not really sure what that was) and I got whacked off of the couch by a terrified Greg. He then told me the story of how he's scared of vampires and hates for his neck to be touched. Oh, ok, I thought. No big deal. I made a "note to self" and went on with the evening.

Fast forward two years, Greg and I are married now, and we just moved to Boston. Our apartment was little, but in a neat area with lots of woods surrounding it. I thought it was nice to go outside and see all of the trees and listen to the birds. Greg, however, was afraid to go outside because he always thought he could hear something and says he saw something resembling Bigfoot out in those woods. So, for the 10 months we lived there, seven of which I was pregnant, I took Lucy out to the bathroom at night because Greg was too scared!

We visited Salem, Massachusetts a few times while we lived in Boston. It was so interesting to hear about the witches and their famous trials. We went to a reenactment of the trials when our friends, Matt and Cristina, came to visit. After the show, we toured an actual dungeon where the witches were held. They had dummies set up in the jail cells, so there was really nothing scary about the tour... until someone popped out and scared Greg! They had a real person in one of the cells! It was great! He jumped on Matt and held onto him for dear life! As we walked through the cemetary and memorial to the witches, I was particularly fascinated by the story of Giles Cory. He was a man-witch that was pressed to death by stones. As we walked around downtown Salem, Cristina and I kept whispering, "Giles... Giles," trying to scare Greg. Then Cristina did the greatest thing she could have ever done... she texted her brother with Greg's cell phone number and had him text Greg pretending to be Giles Cory! Greg was so terrified! That night Greg had to sleep with the TV on and all of the lights on in the apartment. And he wouldn't sleep on his side of the bed that night either because it was too close to the window!

I would have never thought in a million years that Greg would be the scaredy cat that he is. He's such a big, burly, manly man minus the burly and manly, plus a big dose of fright! And you don't even want to know how he acts when he's sick... all I'm going to say is that yesterday I had to take Greg to the urgent care center... for a cold.

I do have to say, though, that there are perks to having this type of a guy for a husband... his not-so-masculine characteristics are ideal when on a typical Saturday night he fixes us both a bowl of ice cream and pops in a chick flick to watch in the bedroom (while wearing our jammies, of course!) He even does facials with me once in a while! Role-reversals aren't so bad after all... yeah, whatever!

Mom Jeans, Luby's & Wheel of Fortune

Recently, I discovered something about myself... I am terrified of old people. Gerontophobia is what it's called. "The fear of old people or growing old." I've never noticed this about myself, but lately, others have been making it very clear to me that I have a problem! I guess I made one too many "old" people comments in front of my mother-in-law... and, you know, I didn't think I was saying anything to offend her, since I don't see her as old. But now that she's admitted to doing too many elderly things... she's out of my "young" category!

Greg loves to shop at Eddie Bauer... I think it's too "old" for him. I told him that he should wait until he turns 30 to shop there. You know what I'm talking about... there are certain stores that are for old people. Take Coldwater Creek for example... I was forced into this store by my mother-in-law... the assortment of old lady cardigans and shawls put me into immediate shock. "Is this store kinda like Eddie Bauer?" I asked her backing up and out of the store, ever so slowly.

Why do they have to make stores that cater to little old women? And how do we go from dressing young and trendy to only buying "mom" jeans? I just can't handle pants pulled up as high as they can possibly go. I don't understand it! Do you just wake up one day and decide you would really love to have a great pair of jeans that can be pulled up to your armpits?! My mother-in-law, again, tried to explain that this type of jeans can help cover the pooch that you get as you grow older. (Yes, she admitted to wearing "mom" jeans!)

Don't even get me started about Luby's. I hate the fact that I love their food, but it's full of old people. What is it about a cafeteria that attracts the geriatric generation? Even the name of the restaurant screams old! Seriously! Have you ever met anyone named Luby that's under the age of 70?! Didn't think so!

And then there's Wheel of Fortune. I don't like to admit I watch this show because I feel like I'm 90 years old when I do. It's such a grandparent thing to do. I know my grandparents never missed an episode. Greg even signed up for a Spin ID... so there Greg sits every night, watching and waiting for Pat Sajack to call his number. How old man is that? Picture Greg, in his recliner, reaching for the remote and turning the TV up as loud as he can to make sure that he doesn't hear the number incorrectly; does that scream senior citizen or what?!

Just the other day, I was driving through Meyerland Plaza, a shopping center in Houston, and I came to a four way stop. I stop, and then this extremely old man stops; therefore, it's my turn to go. As I pull into the intersection he starts to move forward! I slammed on my breaks and tried to honk my horn. (Why is it you can never find your horn to honk it in these situations?!) So now he was in front of me... going as slow as he could possibly drive. At first I felt sorry for the little old man... he must not have been able to see where he was going. I parked the car, and as I got Izzy out of her carseat and headed into Target, I saw that same little old man in his little old man car speeding through the parking lot. It was as if he was laughing at me, saying, "ha! ha! I gotcha!"

I have a feeling that old people are out to get me. I promise you this: I will never, ever become old. I know that physically, I will grow older, but I vow to not fall into this old person mentality. I think that I can keep my wardrobe nice and classy without adding those dreadful mom jeans, and I promise that I will get off of the roads when I am no longer fit to drive on them! As for Luby's, I can't promise you that I'll stay away from there... their macaroni & cheese is to die for! Does Luby's have "to go"? Ha! Ha! Yeah, whatever!


(Thanks, Allyson for this video... it goes perfectly with this topic, doesn't it?!)

Info-mercialicious

Is it just me or is anyone else fascinated by info-mercials? I have purchased a few items via phone-in orders, and I am happy to say that I've always been pleased. Since the first time I saw the sculpted body of Mari Winsor, I knew I had to have the Winsor Pilates DVD! And for about a year or so, I only used Bare Minerals makeup... this stuff is pretty awesome. And it was such a great deal... so much all-natural make up for just $49.95!


And as you can tell by my previous post, I was recently taken by the Sham-Wow... I still think these towels are amazing, even though my friend Manda is trying to discourage me from purchasing them. Manda has the Zorbeez... the arch-nemesis of the Sham-Wow. She said that they're supposed to be great for drying dogs... apparently they aren't so great at absorbing all of that doggie bath water, but they are great at attracting dog hair. Zorbeez lint roller, anyone?

I think part of my fascination with info-mercials and their "got-to-have-it" products is the fact that I know someone came up with this great idea, and I have a feeling that one day I'll have my great idea, and I'm so going to have an TV ad!


With the help of friends and a blueprint to prove it, we came up with my favorite invention yet. The Knork was our idea, inspired by the plasticware at The Coney, our lunch spot in college. Many a lunch we'd sit there... the guys shoving their coneys into their mouths, and me, trying to be a lady, using a fork (they had no knives) and trying to cut the coney with the side of the fork. Every time, the prongs on the fork would break. Then one day, when I couldn't take it anymore, my friends and I drew up the blueprint and invented the Knork. The Knork is a plastic fork with a knife edge on one side. Perfect for cutting and piercing food... a knife and fork in one! Of course, the knife edge wouldn't be sharp enough to cut the inside of your mouth when you're using the fork part, but it would be just sharp enough to cut a coney into bite sized pieces. Unfortunately, the Knork had already been invented. I was seriously looking up patent information when I received a Knork in the mail from my friend Becky... It was awesome. And not only was it a Knork... on the opposite end was a spoon! Wow! I should have thought of that!


Just the other day, I had to run into Walgreen's to pick up a few things. I turned down the book and magazine aisle, just to skim the newest reads, and you'll never believe what I stumbled upon. An entire shelf dedicated to "as seen on TV" items! I seriously stood there with my mouth open for about ten minutes. Debbie Meyer's Green Bags, Aqua Globes and Pedi Paws... all right there at my local Walgreen's. And there it was, next to the Snuggie, the amazing Sham-Wow! It was like a tiny piece of late night TV heaven! If my hands weren't full, I would have bought the Sham-Wow right then and there. Don't worry Manda... I'm still not a proud owner of a towel that can soak up a two-liter of Coke.


And in Manda's effort to keep me away from the Sham-Wow, she's introduced me to a new product... the Slap Chop, the Sham-Wow guy's latest product! She told me to "you tube" it and watch the video and see for myself how crazy this guy is. So I watched the video, and while I do agree that the demonstrator is insane, I must have this wonderful Slap Chop! The Slap Chop would make salads so easy to make! He did say some funny things though. He actually says in the video... you're going to love my nuts. Of course, he's talking about chopping nuts in the Slap Chop... yeah, whatever.

Bonzai!

I am not a good gift giver; neither is Greg. Not that we don't buy great gifts for each other, we do. But we aren't very good at the action of giving. We either tell each other what we bought or give the gift way early. We always open our birthday presents and Christmas presents as soon as we get them wrapped... we just can't handle keeping the secret.

I'll never forget before we got engaged... I didn't know it at the time, but Greg wanted to tell me so bad that he was going to propose, so he just kept telling me that he had a gift for me. I was so excited about getting something, so of course, I tried to talk him into telling me what it was. Finally, he told me that he got me something leather. Something leather?! I thought that was strange. What could he have gotten me... a wallet, a purse, a belt?! No, it was an engagement ring.

Even though we always spoil the anticipation and surprise, we tend to buy each other really great gifts. Always something thoughtful, useful or just something we knew the other really wanted. This year we shopped together, so we knew everything we were getting for Christmas. But Greg decided he wanted to get me a "surprise" gift since we never have surprises. So he decides to buy me a bonzai tree. Yes, that's right, a bonzai tree. And he was so proud of himself as he walked in the house carrying this tiny tree.

Picture that. Greg... over six feet tall. Bonzai tree... less than 6 inches tall.

After I stopped laughing, I took the tree from Greg, told him that I loved it, and put it on a bookshelf, where it just looked weird. Where do you put a bonzai tree?! What do you do with it? This little tree kinda freaked me out, actually. We had to take the tree with us to Granbury for Christmas, because it would die if we left it at home. So I rode in the car for five hours with a miniature tree between my feet. I think that's when Greg started to realize I wasn't so thrilled about the tree... then he told me that he bought the tree at the mall at a little kiosk and that the lady that sold it to him had to plug in her credit card machine so Greg could pay for the bonzai! Wow. Hmmm... maybe this could have been a clue that the bonzai wouldn't be the best surprise gift. (By the way, the kiosk isn't there anymore; they went out of business!)

So, for the past month I've watered my bonzai tree. Moved it from place to place in the house trying to find the right spot for it. I've even named it Kai-ii (that's k-I-ee) for our favorite sushi chef from Baltimore. Everytime we'd go eat sushi at that place, Kai-ii would talk to Greg, and Greg couldn't understand him so Greg would just shout, "Bonzai!"

Greg took me there the night that he gave me a ring instead of something leather. He told Kai-ii that I was his fiance. He said, "Fiance. Pretty name!" Kai-ii thought my name was fiance... yeah, whatever.