Look for the Blossoms

Last summer, we added cacti to our landscaping in the backyard. This desert look really wasn't my style, but as the cacti began to grow, I was amazed. This ugly, prickly, green plant sprouted buds everywhere! Each day I waited and waited and waited for them to bloom. Finally, a beautiful yellow blossom appeared. In the midst of the sharp spikes was this stunning flower. A few days later, the flower was gone, and, in its place, a new stem began to grow. I was obsessed! I started researching cacti and even learned how to transplant a cactus stem to grow a new plant. You can imagine my excitement when my transplanted cactus began to thrive!

This simple cactus reminds me so much of the ugly, prickly, unexpected mess that life brings us. We may not understand at the time why that spike... the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, medical issues, a strained relationship... is a part of our life. But if we wait patiently, we will begin to see a bud forming, the beginning of something new.

In November, our world was turned upside down when Greg's dad unexpectedly passed away. I've struggled to find the words to write about him; I feel that my words will not honor him in the way he truly deserves. Most days it feels like a bad dream. It just doesn't feel right saying "Bee Bee" and not following it with "... and Paw Paw". It feels so strange to see his empty seat at the table. It is so odd to see the kids laughing and playing and not see his face looking at them and glowing with pride.

This was our ugly, prickly cactus of 2018. While we can't see God's plan in this right now, I'll tell you what I do see. I see Jerry in each of his children. I see him in Greg's walk, talk, and definitely in his singing and guitar playing. I see him in Jimmy's patient way with Izzy, talking to her so softly while at the same time holding her to high expectations that are shaping her into a beautiful young lady. I see him in the way that Shelby goes above and beyond for her students, players, and Abbey and Henry, ensuring that they live up to their potential. I hear laughter when we share our favorite memories. The hilarious "great marinara sauce incident" from Thanksgiving will forever be ingrained in our hearts. He brought us so much joy, and that joy lives on with each funny story we retell. I see tears when the emotions are just too much to hold inside, on those days when we once again remember that this is our reality. I feel his love that is so very rooted in all that we do with and for each other. That's his legacy. They are the cactus blossoms. As long as we continue to look for those buds, and wait patiently for them to bloom, we will see what God has in store for us.

My cactus is full of buds right now; I've never had a cactus this full of buds. Each day, I open the blinds and look for the blossoms. Each day, those buds give me hope. They remind me to seek out the joy, cherish every moment, look for the legacy, and hold dear to each memory.

To think a man who led such a simple life could leave behind so much
It's just a lot of little things but they mean the world to me
Everywhere I look there's one more memory
There's a little bit of you in everything I see 

- George Strait, "Everything I See"